Flying Quiz

Here’s one for all of those who fly regularly. These questions are based on my personal experiences of flying – all have happened to me – and I don’t care if I sound like a miser. So, give it a go and see if you’re a good flyer, or a nightmare for those around you…. Also feel free to suggest additional questions. And you may thing the correct answer is obvious – well, tell that to the many, many, people who break these rules every time they fly!

And in case no-one has guessed – flying for work has left me so scarred I never want to fly with other people again – why do you think I’m looking to learn to fly!

The Airport

1) When approaching the check-in desk, have you:
      a) Checked in online, with a number of bags no greater than that allowed, all of which are under the maximum weight, and gotten your passport and other paperwork ready to go
      b) Brought a couple of immense suitcases, at least one of which weighs 40+kg, so that you can then spend 20 minutes unpacking and repacking them in front of the check-in desks, all the time arguing with the check-in person
      c) Brought your stuff in a dozen carrier bags, parcel-taped up (maybe!), so that you can then be justifiably angry when the check-in desk says you’ll need to get them cingfilm’ed and pay extra because you’re taking so many bags

2) When waiting for the metal detector, do you:
      a) Prepare – take your belt and jewellery off, take your shoes off if necessary, put everything loose into your coats pockets or bag, and unzip laptop bag for easy access
      b) Wait until you’re at the metal detector, then spend 10 minutes taking things out of pockets and putting them loose in tray, ready to then take another 10 minutes blocking everyone’s access to their stuff on the other side
      c) Put your bag in the tray, then set off the metal detector by forgetting, separately and sequentially, your belt, keys/change, metal boots, watch/bangles

3) When they start calling for boarding, do you:
      a) Wait until your row(s) are called, then join the queue (or just wait until the end because you know there’s little point in joining the huddle)
      b) Join the queue straight away, irrespective of row – don’t they know you’re special?!
      c) Hover expectantly waiting for your row to be called, so close to the queue you may as well be in it, and no-one else can join it anyway

On the plane

4) What size of carry on luggage do you have:
      a) single smallish bag, plus a laptop bag
      b) several bags, which you can spend ages stowing, and then searching for throughout the flight and on debarkation
      c) a huge suitcase, plus a couple of others, so that you can get your money’s worth and who cares about the fact that no-one else will be able to stow their luggage

5) When boarding the plane, do you:
      a) find your seat, confirm the number and letter against your boarding pass, stood out of the aisle whilst you got anything you need out of your bag, and then put your bag (singular!) in the overhead space taking up the minimum possible space
      b) held up boarding of the entire plane by standing in the aisle whilst unpacking everything you’ll need for the entire flight, and then just managed to fit your oversized bag(s) in the overhead compartment by turning them lengthwise and taking up 3 seats’-worth of space
      c) sit in a seat that looks roughly like it may be yours, and anyway it’s next to your boyfriend (even though funnily enough your boarding passes seem to be for different rows, and not adjacent) and if it’s not yours the kind stranger, who thought ahead and booked an aisle seat because he doesn’t want to be cramped between two people for the entire flight, will obviously be willing to swap seats

6) When getting out of your seat, do you:
      a) Push down on the arms of your chair to stand up, and get out of your seat with a minimum of fuss
      b) Grab the seat in front to lever yourself up, bouncing the occupant just as they’re having a drink
      c) For bonus points, grab the hair of the person in front whilst grabbing the headrest of the seat in front, jolting the previously asleep occupant wide awake, and then proceed without apologising because obviously you didn’t feel any hair…

7) In order to get the seat-back touchscreen television to work, do you:
      a) Lightly rest the tip of your finger against the screen and wait the half second for it to register
      b) Repeatedly bang it with your finger, and through it the head of the person in front, because obviously it’s impact sensitive rather than touch sensitive
      c) Do (b), but wait until the occupant of the seat in front is just dropping off to sleep first

8) When queuing for the toilets/restrooms, do you:
      a) Wait quietly, standing in the aisle or some other out of the way space
      b) Talk to friends loudly, because going to the toilet on a plane is a group activity
      c) Lean against a chair whilst waiting, either forgetting or not caring about the fact that your arse is now resting on someone else’s face

9) It’s dinner time, do you:
      a) Gently release the tray table and remove your headphones so you can actually interact with the stewardess
      b) Violently shake the person in front as you release the table, then recline your seat right into the face of the person behind, all whilst wearing your headphones so that you can shout to the air stewardess
      c) Go to the toilet and then have to squeeze past the trolleys, normally sticking your arse in people’s food/faces en route
Suggested by Steve H

Arrivals

10) When the captain says “please remain seated with your seat-belt fastened until the plane has come to a stop and the seat-belt light has gone out” should you:
      a) Do as you’re told – you’ll be waiting for 5 minutes while they sort the air bridge anyway
      b) Get up as soon as the plane is near the stand, then wait around trying to look super-important, ignoring or not aware that most accidents/collisions happen whilst on the ground
      c) Spring from your seat as soon as the wheels are on the ground, then spend the entire taxi on the phone
Suggested by Steve H

11) When departing the plane, and walking towards baggage/connections, do you:
      a) Walk quickly and efficiently, leaving space for people to pass
      b) Meander aimlessly, leaving just too little space between yourself and the walls for anyone to pass, and constantly slipping to the left and right so as to stop anyone who may try
      c) Walk in a group with your friends, in line abreast, blocking the corridor most effectively

12) How do you use the travellators?
      a) walk at a quick-normal pace on the left, or, if standing, keep well to the right to allow others to pass
      b) stand together in a huddle with your friends, forcing people who want to move faster than 1mph to push through you
      c) position your standing group right next to another, and be amazed when a huge backlog fills up behind you. And then, seem surprised by the end of the travellator, use that moment to stop to check your direction, and cause a pile up
Additional entry by Steve S

13) When waiting for bags, do you:
      a) Wait a couple of metres away from the carousel, so that you’re not blocking other people’s view/access
      b) Huddle with a group of your friends right up against the carousel, blocking people’s sight and stopping them from getting their bags even if they see them
      c) Put your buggy and baggage cart next to the carousel so that no-one else can get to their bags

14) When you get your bags, do you:
      a) Take a few steps away from the carousel, and confirm that both the name and identification number match those on your stub
      b) Belatedly confirm the bag is yours just before security, and sheepishly return it to the carousel where the real owner is still waiting…
      c) Only realise the bag isn’t yours when your spouse/girlfriend/whatever turns up with your bag. Walk off leaving the other bag just standing in the middle of the baggage collection area

Overall

15) Generally throughout the process of flying, do you:
      a) read signs, and behave generally in accordance with them in a timely manner
      b) chat with friends, have a great time, and who cares if you’ve delayed or annoyed a few other people – you’re on holiday and you’re special
      c) live in your own private little world, and not notice the delays and general inconvenience you’ve caused for everyone around you


Many thanks to Steve S and Steve H for additional entries 9, 10, and 12. It’s both nice, and depressing, that I’m not the only person who gets annoyed when travelling…

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One thought on “Flying Quiz

  1. I think you should add a D) for the following:

    3) wait in the bar until you are addressed by surname over the loud speaker, then down the rest of your wine and start running

    10) remain belted until most people are off the plane out of total fear that it may suddenly take off again! But make sure you can somehow pull your baggage down without unbelting, so that it more than likely lands on someone elses head – or some kind citizen will see you struggling and get it down for you!

    11) RUN for the shuttle bus, pushing past people so that you can get one of the very few seats on the bus and the elderly/disabled/children will have to stand because YOU are tired!

    14) Realise you left your Duty Free goods on the plane and make airport staff go and fetch it for you!

    Clearly these are all examples of what I do!!!

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